Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Scream Queens Review S1 E1 Review




Scream Queens S1 E1 - Spoiler Review

Keep in mind this post has SPOILERS so don't listen or read if you don't want spoilers and if you did read or listen you were warned.


·        1995
o   Blood on hands – 
o   or not girl in a bathtub who just had a fat ass baby what the what? 
o   Wonderfalls is my jam really? That’s your jam? You are kidding me? So she’s died from the birth? But the baby is still alive?

·        Present Day - 2015
o   we wake up to 3 creepy as girl with the Queen B (Channel) saying good morning sluts so the creepy girls are “minions” that are known as Channel #2  who files her nails, Channel #3 who has ear muffs for some reason and Channel #5 who is on her phone. What the hell happened to Channel #4?
o   Yeah Jamie Lee Curtis!! Who hates sororities love her. 
o   Oh this show is going to be good or really, really bad either way win!
o   Girl in a jeep packing for college… with a dad 
o   LOL okay dad just compared sorority to Game of Thrones cool point just went up. 
o   Devil again Why would you walk toward man in devil costume? Doesn’t make sense? Let’s be stupid.
·        Okay after commercial I am under the impression that it is not the same girl in the ugly yellow dress that I am aware of she did not have an ugly freaking pin or ring plus I think the baby is the killer so yeah… calling that now. Now that we’ve cleared that up let’s move on. 
o   Kappa will be required to accept anyone who wishes to become a pledge.

I also then asked “Where the frack is Nick Jonas?”

o    Channel #1 introduces us to the new pledges that she has to take… The Glee girl (Neck Brace AKA Hester) oh no (Deaf Tayler Swift AKA Tiffany) I wonder if she really is deaf… hold on I have to google this now and according to Wikipedia she is so that is freaking AWESOME! Predatory Lez AKA Mac or Liz or something. Then there is Grace and her roommate that I didn’t catch the name so I will google later or plug later when they kill her (and they will because she is black and we all know that minorities will die first)
·    
    Ding Dong – Oh what fresh hell is this (going to be my new catch phrase you’re welcome)

o   Jennifer – a candle vlogger which is awesome not b/c I am but because I didn’t even know they existed. Jennifer is also a new pledge who is not from the make a wish foundation. (a joke that Channel made which wasn’t a joke but an insult and man does this show have ‘em)

·        FINALLY WE GET NICK FREAKING JONAS golfing for some reason. Apparently he is best friends with Channel’s boyfriend who needs her to stay popular to stay with him whose name is Chad Bradwell. Nick Jonas is his bestie named Boone I think.

o   Pledge night. “Let’s do this” someone is going to die. Another creepy collage – so this has happened before.
·     
·        Dean smoking so sex just occurred. Wait is that Chad? Wait who is that? I just love that she told him “you were awful in bed, are you not aware? The worst?” LMFAO He is a student on academic probation that she is blackmailing and he told her that he loves her and she said “of course you are because that is the only way this situation can be any more depressing” LOL have I mentioned how much I love Jamie Lee Curtis “I’m going to call ya” “And b/c I can’t destroy every phone on Earth that is a possibility” Gawd I heart her so much.

·    See told you a minority was going to die and it was Ariana Grande’s character Channel #2 which is good because I hate her voice when she talks.

Hell Week - Wait so they let themselves be buried in the ground up to their heads? 
Oh that’s wrong it was the deaf girl we went to break…

·        MID BREAK HOUR 2 JUST OCCURRED

·        PS I haven’t seen any sexual situations… am I missing something here?

·        Oh Lord Niecy Nash is up in the house I heart her. She has a night stick and a walkie talkie. Denise if you are in danger scream her name and I will come running. IF I don’t that means I am not on the premises and you will need to go to step 2. Step 2 is call 1-866-KLJ-0199 and they will notify me and then I will come running. If you can’t get through due to long wait times then you will need to go to step 3 which is GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. Run real fast.  Then when safe call the above number. I would give you my number but my cell phone is off right now LOL

·        Why in God’s name would you go in the basement after people have died to get more soap? I would personally just go down the street to the supermarket to buy you more soap.

·        Let’s break into the scary room cause that always seems like a good idea when people are disappearing or dying. Oooh bloody bathtub and yellow dress. Great and now Waterfalls is in my head.

·        Oh finally a sexual situation that is weird but at least a sexual situation that doesn’t show sex

Funny line - “I can’t help that everyone once to have sex with me. Newsflash I’m hot everyone wants to get with this. Women, Men, Animals in the zoo, planet probably.”

Security guard hears screaming goes and gives the stupid white girls some common sense cause they want to go upstairs where the serial killer is. Oh Hell no what you need to do is run out this door. You’ll going to get yourselves killed. I’m stay down here and guard the door actually I’m going to go to the car.”

·        Nick working out sexy… with 80’s music and I think he’s about to die so that’s sad but It’s a sexy scene. Yep there he goes. Yep there goes Nick bye bye
·        a banquet. Then Niecy Nash came back and the body is missing. Chad is back and wants to let them know that Boone is dead and he banged 50 chicks. At the local mortuary though Boone is not dead it was make up nice twist.

Not sure about this one I will give it another episode due to that twist at the end, but honestly this one didn’t wow me like I wanted it to. I wasn’t wowed by it at all. It was trying to be a cross between Mean Girls and Clueless with a funny twist that at times worked but at others was just plain offensive. Then at others was just stupid and tried too hard. While I am curious as to some questions not enough to stick with it for long. I want to know but part of me could give a rat ass at this point and would just be satisfied finding out later on the internet.

 Anyway what did you guys think of it? Did you like it? Hate it? Send your thoughts both positive and negative my direction would love to hear from you over at Twitter or at Podbean or here on the reading blog! Until next week!

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