Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Review ~ Planning to Live by Heather Wardell
Now moving on... This will not be a typical Sarai review b/c this is a very deep book. A very emotional book for me that touched me deeply and has also opened my eyes. So I am going to start with my back story so that you can understand why this book affected me so emotionally.
Very rarely do I ever connect with a character in a book. Usually I can sit back detached and judge the character, roll my eyes, maybe I get lucky and can sympathize with a character but NEVER have I ever related to a character as deeply as I did with Rhiannon.
First off I am over weight and no it’s not something random that I just decided on or no I’m not happy with my looks because I’m only 10 pounds overweight and well I hate that little bit of flab. No I am seriously obese. You wouldn’t know how much I weigh if I didn’t tell you but trust me when Rhiannon talks about how much she weighs at 5’10 I almost stopped right there b/c I weight that at 5’3. Rhiannon is OBSESSED with her weight she is beyond Obsessed down to the point of hating herself. Let me tell you that some days I am there with her oh heck who am I kidding most days I am down there with her. The difference between Rhiannon and myself is her Obsession has led her to set goals and MY GOD did the woman succeed when she set some goals. I on the other hand get beyond frustrated when something does work so I stop. That simple I stop caring, what would it matter anyway, whose going to care, it’s not like anyone likes me now as I am kind of thing.
Rhiannon thought everything I did but she was motivated to do something about it even when that wasn’t working. The sad part during all that obsessing about her weight and looks she forgot to live her life and because of that she missed out on a lot. I’m the same way. I can’t tell you how many times I refused to go somewhere (beaches, pool parties, dancing, out with a guy) simply b/c I was too big or I didn’t want to be the biggest one at the party ect. I hate clothes shopping right now because nothing fits. I hate going to bars because the guys only want to date and flirt with the skinny girls but with me they want to hang. All of this got worse after my divorce my limited self-esteem went down the drain. I became angry at myself for not trying so I would try only to become angry at myself for not losing weight, to turn around and be angry that I quit. It was and is a vicious cycle. This vicious cycle of anger and hate that Rhiannon and hundreds of other women out there can relate to.
Well not anymore after finishing this book I cried. Yes I bawled OMG it hurt so bad to know that this character who isn’t real was able to figure out that it is the journey not the destination that matters. And for some reason I never grasped that concept. My whole life it has been – life will get better when I’m thinner, the one I am meant to be with will come to me when I’m thinner, I will be happy once I lose this weight… and yet I still would quietly ask why can’t I be happy now?
SO no more through this book and reading what Rhiannon’s life was like I realize just how much I am missing out by not getting out there. By constantly worrying about my looks and weight I am missing out on spending time with those I love. Not to mention how many times they have to hear how fat I am when they love me know matter what. They see me as beautiful when all I see is ugly tell me where this is fair? It’s not fair to them nor me and it is strange to me that I could learn all this from a character in a book. And because of that character my life is already changing. I finished this book on Wed of last week and all I could do Thursday was think about it. Because of all that thinking I have already agreed to go to places I normally would’ve said no to. I am agreeing to things I would’ve passed on and I am meeting everyone with a confident smile on my face. Every day I am getting a little better but every time I start to judge myself or get down I think of Planning to Live and I realize that its time to stop planning to live its time to start living.
So thank you Heather! I know I’ve turned into a fan girl and I squeal a lot about you, I also know that I completely over shared but I wanted to tell everyone what this one book has done in my life and encourage them to try give it a try as well.
Alright on a happier note HEATHER will be here tomorrow on the blog answering questions so don’t forget to stop by and if you are interested in purchasing Planning To Live you can pick it up here:
Or if you leave a comment tomorrow you can enter a chance to win a copy on me.